Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
