I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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