hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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