My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
