btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
