Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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