I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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