I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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