I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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