so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
