how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
