WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
