i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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