dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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