My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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