Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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