peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
