guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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