Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
