life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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