did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
nutella sex= disaster
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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