After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize