party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
