Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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