What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
