She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
