Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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