Someone shit on the floor
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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