i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
