I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
