Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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