I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will be naked everywhere
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
