i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
