i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
