saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
