is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
