Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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