Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
