I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
