thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
