We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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