I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I cut my penus on the lid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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