Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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