The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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