I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
