her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
