is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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