stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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