Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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