I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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