bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
