I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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