Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
