Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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