I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
