After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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