I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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