May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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