Betty ford says i'm here all night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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