Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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