Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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