she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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