How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
