I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
