i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
